


Through Blood and Pain...

by Nevara_Alyss



Series: Reciprocity and Duality [1]
Category: Dragon Age II
Genre: F/M, Sexual Encounters, Torture, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-15
Updated: 2013-07-16
Packaged: 2017-12-20 07:34:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 11
Words: 18,085
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/884645
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nevara_Alyss/pseuds/Nevara_Alyss
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What do we gain from choices? Correctly choose and all is well, fail and a lesson is harshly learned. What if that choice destroyed someone you cared for? How do you tell them you are sorry if they don't even remember you?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

She couldn't see it, but she knew it was there, somewhere off the in the distance- the oncoming storm. Lorelai shivered at the thought. The world was at war and she was the primary catalyst for it all. She could have blamed Anders for being a jackass and doing the unthinkable, but she aided him nonetheless so it all fell on her shoulders in the end

Sebastian had vowed vengeance when she refused to take Anders's life. She wasn't going to make him a martyr for the cause. She also wasn't going to fight against the one thing she knew kept her living. She didn't care whether Sebastian came back with a whole army from Starkhaven to raze the city either. The place was a loss in her mind. She had nothing left to keep her there.

She was beside herself marching towards the Imperium. Her allies agreed that she leaved for her safety along with Anders and quickly joined when they found out they themselves had a price on their heads for aiding and abetting known terrorists. Anders was amused at it. The great and powerful Champion of Kirkwall on the run for deciding to overthrow the Templars. She should have been reveling in the glory. She was a leader- a natural born leader, but that's not what she saw in herself. Even the idea of leaving for Minrathous was a mad attempt to escape the ghosts of her choices and failures.

Aveline had just enough time to tell the stalwart fighters that the guard and Templars were coming for their blood. Lorelai was one for fighting to the end, but her will ebbed without having her rival arguing with her; giving her the strength to continue. She balked and retreated for the only place she knew to go. As damn near emotionally suicidal as the choice was, the only ghost she was looking for was gone from her sight and erased from the existence she'd known.

Carver was off finding his own life and adventures with the Grey Wardens. She made him leave. She had to protect the last piece of her family from the backlash that the Hawke name carried. He stood by her side in the end and she was grateful, but damn it. Memories trickled in of a life of constantly being on the run as an apostate. This was nothing new to her, but she wasn't going to drag her brother down with her. He argued with her about staying by her side. He owed her that much for saving his life and that he didn't want to lose her amongst the bodies as the Chantry fell apart and an impending Exalted March was due to take place.

"Hawke?" Varric said, snapping Lorelai from her thoughts. "You seem out of it today."

Lorelai blinked tiredly and sighed. "I'm sorry." She whispered softly. The group of people at the table stared at her not knowing what she was apologizing for. "I screwed up."

"The long face isn't for you." Isabela purred. Her bosom pressed against the table as she leaned and patted Lorelai's hand in consolation.

She could feel the frustration building up in her and she was about to explode when Anders cleared his throat. She shot him a look of contempt and frowned. She felt sorry for the apostate turned abomination but she was so damn angry about those events from that fateful night she wanted to tear him apart. "No, I have to say this." She looked at everyone, her hazel eyes glimmered as she tried to hold back the tears she'd pent up for months now. She stood up, turning her back from the group and tried to think of the words.

"I dragged you all into this. I fucked up." Her voice wavered little as she started her apologies. "Varric, you've done so much for me and I had no right to make you choose sides in any of this."

"Hawke, it wasn't a big deal." Varric said. He shrugged. He leaned back in his chair and kicked his heavy boots onto the table.

She turned to Isabella who was wrapping her hair around her finger in a spiral curl. "You could have gotten out of town long before any of this and I have to wonder why you didn't."

Isabella looked up at Lorelai and cocked her head in amusement. "Because you saved my ass. I owe you my life."

Merrill sat there meekly. Her eyes never met Lorelai's but she knew her turn was coming. "I took you away from the only family you have ever known."

"Oh, it's not so bad. I asked to go." She looked at Varric who was smiling at her refreshing innocence. "Besides I have a new family with you all now."

Anders stood up and walked up to Lorelai and put his arm around her. "You don't need to do this. You made the right decision."

"The right decision?" Lorelai repeated. Anders nodded. "The right decision." Anders kept nodding with each repetition. She glared at Anders and shoved him away. "Do you have any clue what you did? You didn't just draw lines in the sand. You forced my hand and made me lead a revolution." She screamed. She was losing control of her wits as his words echoed in her head. "What the hell do you know about 'right decisions?'"

"The mages deserved to be free of their tyranny and now they are." Anders shot back. "And I am grateful that I played a hand in it."

"Injustices upon the mages don't give you the right to start a holy war." Lorelai argued. She shook with rage.

"You could stand for it?" Anders asked.

"No." Lorelai took a step back and finally the first few tears slid down her face. "Look at all we've lost in this. We are fugitives on the run and my decisions got us here now. Aveline is forced to deal with the mess we created, Carver is gone and Fen-" The group's eyes fell to the table.

They didn't know. They never heard what befell the broody elf with the most beautiful eyes she had ever seen. She reached into the small pouch she had on her hip and pulled out a crumpled and torn piece of parchment. Lorelai sniffled as she unfolded the delicate paper still bearing the seal of a Tevinter magister and slammed it onto the table. One by one they stood and glanced at the document. The ink smeared and dotted with dried tear drops. No one dared touch it for fear that Lorelai would strike them dead. "I did this." She pointed as she quickly unsheathed her dagger and plunged it through the paper and into the table causing the readers to jump back in shock. "Did he deserve that, Anders? Huh?" She turned on the mage her jaw clenched. "A mindwipe. He has no recollection of anything. I did that to him. I led him to that because you thought he wasn't going to aid our cause."

Anders took a step away from the table and shook his head. "It's no different than-"

"Blondie, it's best not to finish that thought." Varric stepped in before Lorelai could say anything.

Lorelai was fuming. She knew exactly what he was going to say. "Don't you fucking dare talk to me about 'right decisions'." She growled through clenched teeth. She turned away and walked out of the dining hall of her small mansion and walked into her room, slamming the door behind her.

She sat down on the edge of her bed and in her solemn confines she cried. Let the tears fall like she had been waiting to do since they made their run from Kirkwall. She knew that there was going to be an argument between her and Anders. It was inevitable, but given the circumstances he was correct. The mages needed to taste the freedom she had tasted since she was born. But was it really freedom? The constant running and hiding. The sacrifices her parents made so that she and her sister were safe from the prying eyes of the Templars.

But the price- it was unacceptable. She loved that damn elf for all the life of her. Even when he broke her heart and took her innocence. She stabbed him in the back. She basically killed him for being who he was and she was the one who's words sent him back to that hell he'd had nightmares about.

She hated herself, hated Anders, the Templars and mages, Danarius and even Fenris for making her feel anything. She tried everything to help him come to terms with everything and he ran regardless with a small apology and her virginity. Then even in the time afterwards while he was still around he would glance at Isabela as if she was more ideal compared to the smaller and more petite Lorelai.

Maybe it was jealousy and vengeance? It didn't matter, oh Maker, it never mattered. She wanted him and even if they did see each other again he would have no idea who she was. Her heart broke and she choked on her tears. The ache in her throat as she held back wailing was hardly a piece of the pain she felt all the way to her soul.

"Lorelai, can I come in?" Anders asked through the door. She sat up straight and wiped her eyes dry trying to hide the fact that she was crying.

"Yeah," she answered. She really didn't want to see anyone, especially Anders, but the bits of humanity and loneliness urged her to give him a chance.

Anders slowly opened the door and poked his head in. His face was full of sorrow and regret about their spat. He stepped through the door and closed the door softly. He walked over to her in careful strides and sat on the bed next to her. He put his strong and weathered hand on her knee and squeezed gently.

"Are you alright?" He asked. He bent down a little ways to look her in the eyes. Her hair fell into her face and she tried her damnedest to avoid his looks.

"I'm fine." She muttered. She placed her hand on his and feigned a smile.

"There's something more going on and you haven't been the same since we got here." Anders stated.

"I know and I apologize." Lorelai sulked. She placed her head on Anders's shoulder and frowned. "You are a dear friend, Anders, and I had no right to attack you like that."

Anders chuckled softly. "You don't need to apologize for anything. You stood by me and that was enough. I owe you my life." He wrapped his arm around her again and chuckled softly. "We aren't talking about me right now; however, we are talking about you." He lifted her chin to face him and his soft features spoke volumes. There was a peace in his eyes. "There's more than just what happened to Fenris that's affecting you. What's got you down, Lorelai?"

"I sold my soul." She said softly.

Anders gave her a puzzled look. "Demon?"

Lorelai shook her head. "Might as well be one." Anders was even more perplexed now than ever. "We're running out of money and I don't know how long we're going to be able to stay here."

"And?" Anders questioned in a monotone voice. "We're in the land of the most powerful mages in Thedas."

"That's the problem." Lorelai grumbled. "It was the only place I could think of where we wouldn't be frowned on or hunted down like wolves."

"So what's the problem?" Anders questioned.

Lorelai pulled away and stood. She paced the floor, her heart full of shame. "I never wanted to turn to this?"

"You're keeping me in suspense for no reason, Lorelai." Anders prodded. He smiled in attempt to get her to smile.

"I'm going into apprenticeship with one of the magisters here in Minrathous." Lorelai blurted out rapidly. Her muscles grew tense at the sheer thought of it and her stomach grew into knots. She felt herself getting hot and faint. Anders noticed it and caught her before she fell. He placed her on the bed and looked down at her.

"It'll be alright." He whispered softly as he leaned down and kissed her on the forehead gently. He swept away her charcoal black bangs and looked into her sad eyes. "You'll be alright."

He picked up the half melted candle flickering and dancing in the dim light and blew it out. Lorelai laid in the consuming dark as Anders went from candle to candle and blew each out. She heard his boots come back to the side of her bed and felt his heavy weight as he sat down beside her. She could hear him breathing heavily and she playfully shoved him with a chuckle.

"Keep those thoughts to yourself." She said.

"What thoughts?" Anders asked sarcastically. He sighed and patted her thigh letting the last tap linger longer than usual. "Get some rest. It looks like you'll need it in the coming days." She felt the weight lift off the mattress and his stride was slow and diligent away from her as he headed back for the door.

A blinding light streamed in as he opened the door. She could only make out his shadowy outline, but it was just enough to see the slight smile on his face. "When do you start? Who are you apprenticing with?"

"Tomorrow night, I'm guessing." She answered as she closed her eyes. "I won't get a message till tonight or first thing tomorrow morning about any of the details."

Anders nodded and stepped through the door and softly closed it behind him.

Alone with her thoughts she shuddered again at the idea of turning into the thing she hated. She had no respect for blood mages and here she was joining their ranks just to protect her family from the rest of the world. She was whoring herself out to a 'great' magister and being on the run wasn't the only reason she came here. She had to find Fenris. She had to apologize for the vindictiveness of her actions. He was as much hers as he was a slave. And if these feelings had her so bound to him, was she a slave to him as well?

"It wasn't meant to be this way." She sniffled softly. "I'm sorry, Fenris. I'm so, so sorry."


	2. Chapter 2

Lorelai stirred in her bed. The fires that burned dimly hours before were nothing more than fading embers now. The room was cold as she looked towards the window in her chamber. The rain was falling hard and the tree that stood off center of the pane violently shook in the wind. She heard a noise outside her door and rose to see what it was.

The heavy wooden door slid open scraping the hard stone tile. The noise repeated harsher and louder this time. She looked down the hall towards the other rooms and saw no one coming to investigate. Someone was rapping at the door violently and with such force she thought whoever was on the other side was going to force the door off of its hinges. She ran over and unlatched the door.

"Carver. What are you doing here?" she asked the man standing on the step shivering and sopping wet. She stepped to the side and hurried her brother in and took him to the study. He plopped into the chair without a word. Lorelai ran from the room and rounded up every blanket she could find to cover her younger brother. She piled logs into the gaping hole of the fireplace and cast a small fire spell illuminating the whole room in an orange glow. "Are you alright? What's going on?" She pressed as she kneeled beside the chair and looked up at him. His black hair clung to his face and he had started to grow the makings of a beard. He looked so much older since she'd seen him last.

He looked down at her with a frown. He shifted slightly in his seat and his hand slid from between the downy comforters she'd heaped on top of him and he exposed a letter. It was bone dry and the seal was unbroken. She looked at it careful and saw the markings of Danarius's emblem cast on the wax. She snatched it violently from his grasp. More violently than she expected to. She shuttered at the thought of communicating with Danarius. What did he want with her?

"There was a messenger outside," Carver stuttered out through chattering teeth. "I told him to go and that I would handle the delivery of the letter." She ran her finger across the stamp and sighed. "Aren't you going to open it?" He asked.

"Huh?" Lorelai asked. She flinched at the question and smiled. "Not right now," she answered walking over to the desk and placing it in a drawer. She looked back at Carver with concern and stood over him again. "The real question is, why are you here and how did you find me?"

Carver chuckled softly as Lorelai took her place in the chair next to him. She leaned into him, her elbows burrowing into her knees. "Business, Sister. You know I can't talk to you about that sort of thing." He coughed violently as cold started to take over him. Lorelai jumped up and ran from the room. She knew exactly what to do to take care of that cough before it became virulent in him. She walked into her makeshift lab and grabbed a small vial of blue liquid and darted back to Carver.

"Here," she said as she presented the liquid to him. "This should take care of that." Carver looked at her in disgust. "Please, Carver. Trust me," she pleaded. She slipped the tiny glass tube into his hand and waited for him to imbibe it. He glanced at it briefly and shivered. He threw his head back and let the bitter liquid slide to the back of his throat. He tried to fight the taste and when he forced himself to swallow he gagged and nearly vomited the medicinal drink back up. Lorelai patted his back and Carver waved her off. Her maternal instincts were destroyed at his action.

"Is everything alright?" Anders asked as he appeared in the doorway, sleepily yawning. He looked at Carver and blinked with shock. "How did you find us?" His tone was dark and hollow as he approached the pair of siblings.

"It's alright," Lorelai interjected. "He came to see me." Carver turned to her; his eyes were blank as if he was in shock of her still coming to his defense. She leaned on the back of the chair and crossed her arms. "He's ill."

Anders walked around and examined Carver briefly. He could sense it in him. He was ill and growing worse with each passing minute. "Did you give him that potion?" He asked as he looked up at Lorelai. She nodded and let the tension that she had come to a stop before sitting in the chair again. "He needs to be in bed for the potion to take full effect." He ordered. Carver shot glances between the two mages and scowled.

"I'm fine." Carver snapped. He stood up and the biting cold returned. His head swam and felt vertigo slowly take over.

"No, Carver," Lorelai purred with concern. She threw Carver's arm over her shoulder and Anders took the other one. "You heard the man, you are going to bed."

Carver groaned in discontent but was too weak to make an argument about his welfare again.

"Where are we going to put him?" Anders asked as they started towards the door of the study.

"We'll put him in my room for now," Lorelai answered. She looked between them and saw Carver's head fall forward. His body became heavy, almost too heavy for her to carry. She smiled at Anders who was snickering at the sight of Carver's unconsciousness. She nudged the door open with her foot and the pair made their way to the side of the bed. It was a concerted effort to pull him on it. "We need to get him out of that armor, or all the healing and potions in all of Thedas aren't going to save him."

She grabbed Carver's greave and unbuckled it. She tossed it to the floor. The metal hitting stone didn't agree with its treatment and made its audible complaint as it clanged to the floor. Her fingers deftly unfastened each buckle and chucked them to the side with little care for their condition. She watched as Anders left the room and returned with the down comforter in hand. He placed it over him as Lorelai piled logs into the fireplace and lit them. She turned back to Carver and saw the droplets of sweat form on his head.

"He'll be alright." Anders tried to assure her as he extended his hand to her. "He just needs his rest." Lorelai frowned and started for the door with Anders. She looked back at her baby brother one last time, heartbroken and alone and closed the door behind her.

"Thank you, Anders," she said. She smiled faintly and started back toward the study and the letter that awaited her.

Anders, of course, followed and saw Lorelai searching her desk. She became frantic and tossed parchment to the floor as she scoured the desk all the way to the back. She pulled the drawer out and dropped it to the floor. Anders watched in amusement at Lorelai's panic from the door he'd so haughtily propped himself up against. Lorelai looked at Anders with cold and accusing eyes. "Where is it?" She snapped. Her voice was dark and threatening.

Anders pulled the smaller folded paper from his belt and sat in the chair. Lorelai followed never taking her eyes off of the apostate. She forcefully held out her hand and glared. "Give it," she ordered. Anders snorted disapprovingly and placed the letter delicately in her hand.

"Is this the message you were waiting for?" he asked as he propped his feet up on the ottoman.

"I don't know." She answered. She examined the stamp again and her blood ran cold. "It's from Danarius." Her voice became so hushed that Anders sat up just enough to hear her shudder.

"Danarius?" he scoffed. "Isn't that Fenris's master?" His question came out in a snide tone. He liked the idea of the elf being handed back to whomever he belonged to; but knew that Lorelai could never forgive herself for her actions.

Lorelai nodded slowly. She broke the seal and a torrent of fear and dread overcame her. Her heart raced and rang in her ears. She tried to calm herself as she looked at the intricately scrawled text. The ink was a deep black that seemed almost fresh in the firelight. Her eyes grew wide as she read and her heart sank like a stone in a placid lake. The ripples were like shockwaves that penetrated her core and shook the very center of her being.

"Well?" Anders asked with more than his usual amount of enthusiasm. She read the words over and over again and they still didn't make sense. "Lorelai?" He said, breaking her concentration. She looked at him and a single tear fell.

"Um." She started clearing her throat to find a way for the verbal thoughts to come through. "It says I'm to meet him at his mansion tomorrow evening." She crumpled the fine paper up in her small hand and sank deeper into the chair. The distant sound of thunder rumbled outside as if it was protesting the idea of going to that place. She closed her eyes and sighed heavily. "Do you know what this means?"

"Fenris?" Anders said, not amused by the dread that Lorelai felt. "You have to let him go, Lorelai. It's just going to hurt you in the end." He warned her as he slid from the chair onto his knees in front of her. His blue eyes met hers and he was sad. Genuinely sad at her predicament.

Yes, Fenris was a jerk. More than a jerk to the plight of the mages, but Lorelai saw past that. Saw some of the goodness that he guarded. Anders took her hand in his and gently pressed his lips to her soft fingers. His hot moist breath felt good to her. The comfort she needed was kneeled right there in front of her, but she would not chance it. She couldn't. They were too close of friends to let the intricacies of physical romanticism destroy what they had already built, destroyed and reestablished.

"I know." She uttered. "Maker, I know." Inside she argued. She couldn't stop. She had to hope that somewhere in Fenris's mind, locked away were the memories of her. She didn't care about the negatives and positives of his former life and what she meant to them, just that they were there.

"I'm sorry." Anders said as he stood up. "I haven't been able to tell you that. And you deserve it. The Fenris thing was a disaster. I should have stayed out of it." He sulked. He looked out the window and sighed. "I have some things to do before everyone gets up." He stated. "I will be back in a little while." He quickly retreated before Lorelai could question him. The answer to her unasked question was the door slamming shut.


	3. Chapter 3

The day was fraught with dread for Lorelai. The subtle glances she got from Varric as she passed weren't ones of disappointment, but of confusion. Merrill was intrigued by her choice in career and wanted to hear all about it, but Lorelai felt like such a hypocrite with the way she'd treated her about blood magic. Merrill could care less. She was glad that they were going to have a roof over their heads and food in their stomachs. She didn't want to go back to Kirkwall; she found this place much more "serene"-an odd word for the stoic and bleak conditions of the Imperium.

She had only recently seen Anders return from whatever destination he'd decided to send himself off to. She didn't ask and he didn't tell. His look when they did see each other was of despair and frustration. When she did approach him to ask what was wrong he frowned and walked to his room locking the door behind him.

Isabela shrugged when she told her; she was too distracted with making eyes at Carver to take notice of the obvious frown that Lorelai harbored.

"Would you stop looking at him like that?" Lorelai snapped in annoyance.

"Oh, am I not paying enough attention to you?" Isabela cooed. She stood and hugged Lorelai. "You do what you have to do. Right or wrong, you'll make it work. Just like the rest of us have to with our decisions." She squeezed her tightly and sighed.

"Profound," Lorelai eked out with a smirk.

"Pardon?" Isabela questioned. Her eyebrow crooked gently at the comment.

"That was profound, even for you, Isabela," Lorelai jabbed playfully as she nodded in agreement and started out of the study.

"I have my moments, you know. I'm not just a pretty face," Isabela laughed loudly at the compliment. "Have you told the others yet? What about that delicious brother of yours?"

Lorelai abruptly stopped. Her shoulders slumped slightly and she turned back to Isabela who was eyeing her suspiciously. "I did and they all seem to have come to the same conclusion as you did." She paused and looked at Carver who was catching up with Varric, "I haven't said anything to Carver about it. How do I tell him that I'm taking on the role of something he's feared that both Bethany and I would resort to?"

"You tell him like you told the rest of us," Isabela said. She placed her hand on her hip in a seductive fashion. "Or I could tell him." Her eyes lit up and she started for the door and Lorelai stepped in her path.

"No, I'll do it," Lorelai muttered. She'd painted herself into a corner and one she couldn't escape from without the messy consequences.

As calmly and gracefully as she could; she walked up to the pair of laughing men. Each one laughing at the reminiscing and mix and match tales they were sharing. "Carver? Can I talk to you for a minute, in private?"

The smile faded from his face as he stood. "What is it?"

"Not here," Lorelai urged as she started towards her bedroom. "I have to tell you something."

Carver followed without a word and marched into the room and placed himself on the foot of her bed.

She didn't know where to begin. All she knew was that time was running out and that she was going to have to leave shortly for her dinner engagement. She stepped behind the dressing screen in the corner and slowly unhooked the clasps of her gown. It slipped from her small frame and fell to the floor. The fabric crumpled around her feet, lifelessly.

"Where's Fenris?" Carver asked. It wasn't the start of the conversation she was looking for, but it was a start. "I thought he'd have been here with you."

Her head fell and she shook. "He's back with his master." She stated coldly. She turned to the black robe with intricately embroidered silvery thread that Danarius's messenger had brought earlier in the day with a message to wear it. The stocking were a gift of the finest silken thread. An heirloom from a distant relative and that the matching set was to be adorned by her.

"His master?" Carver asked. "You gave him back?"

"I did," Lorelai said softly as she sat in the chair and pulled the lacy leggings on. They stuck firmly to her thighs as she stood again, looked at the black lace and groaned. It looked more along the lines of something that Isabela would wear if she was 'role-playing.' "That's kind of what I wanted to talk to you about."

She pulled the heavy velvet robe over her head. The smell was exquisite. The hints of fine tea and magic exuded from it and embraced her as she started to fasten the tiny hooks into place. The low cut front hung loosely as she clasped as much of the silvery hardware as she could. She stepped around the screen to show Carver what she was wearing and was expecting his disapproval.

"It's nice," he stated. He stood up and gave Lorelai a hug. It was so out of character for him that Lorelai pushed him away to see if there was a knife in his hand. Carver frowned and took a step back. The corseted top that was untied was atrociously loose. He spun Lorelai around started pulling the fine threads through the eyelets with ease.

"You are okay with this?" Lorelai asked as she rubbed her eyes. She gasped when Carver jerked the final piece of cord and began to tie it.

"Sister, I know," Carver said when he was finished tying the ribbon. "Varric already told me."

Lorelai turned around and sighed. "Varric." Her voice came off with a groan as she smoothed out the fabric gently.

"I don't like it, but I have to let that go." Carver said as he took a step back and examined her again. "I knew a girl in the Wardens that wore something like that."

Lorelai smiled with amusement. "And?" She wanted to know every detail. "What was she like?"

"She was great. Not like you, but she dabbled in the dark things as well," Carver explained.

"That's where you learned to tie people in to these torturous things, I take it?" Lorelai grumbled as the boning dug into her ribs.

"More like I learned how to get her out of it, but yeah." Carver blushed with the statement. He cleared his throat as his face became red with embarrassment.

"Carver, you're grown man now. I could care less about your exploits," Lorelai said as she stood at her vanity. She slid her black slippers onto her feet and wriggled her toes in them. "What I do care about is how you found me and why you are here."

"I came to find you. You are all I have left," Carver snapped as he leaned against the bed in a defensive posture. "The Wardens sent me here with Stroud for work, but when I found out you were here I had to see you."

"Why would the Wardens be in the land of blood magic?" Lorelai said as she looked into the mirror. Her pale complexion was glaringly obvious in the dark gown. She picked up a small tube and placed it to her lips. The dark shade outlined her lips as she bit them gently.

"It's hard to say. We were following a lead on something and now it seems like we've hit a dead end," Carver said as he watched Lorelai apply her make-up and stare at him. "I will be leaving once we've found what we are looking."

"Oh," Lorelai said softly. "Well, I will miss you then." She pulled her soft black tendrils up and clipped her hair back in a jewel encrusted clip. She sighed and sniffled. "You seem to have been doing well for yourself in any case." She stood up and grabbed her cloak from off the hook and started out of the room. Carver followed her and watched as she made her way to the foyer. She looked at Carver with fear. It was the first time he'd ever seen such a lack of confidence that he didn't know what to do or say. "I'll be back in a couple of hours, hopefully. I'll be at the mansion at the top of the hill if you need me."

"Take care of yourself, Sister." Carver said. His face was worried but his posture was one of complete and utter trust for his smaller much demurer older sister.


	4. Chapter 4

Lorelai stood at the heavy wooden double doors. Her hands trembled slightly as she grabbed the metal knocker and swung it a couple of times. The front garden was immaculate and gorgeous. Roses grew in splashes of red and in the far off corners white. The cover from the poor weather was inviting enough as she looked around. The soft splashes of water from a nearby fountain as it babbled softly in the torchlight of orange and read. The sprinkles of rain drenched the bottom hem of her cloak as she stood there.

She heard the soft scuffling of footsteps from inside drawing closer. Lorelai held her breath as she heard the cylinder to the door click and the door opened up. She fell back a little when she saw Fenris standing there. His moss green eyes were blank as he stared at her. The skin tight slave armor covered his lower torso and his thin, bare fingers were exposed as he pulled the door open more for her.

"Mistress Hawke," his gravelly voice droned. "Master Danarius is waiting for you in the dining hall."

Lorelai took a step into the grand hallway and looked around. The surroundings were beautiful. It wasn't as dank and hellish as she always pictured. Beautiful white marble statues dotted the green marble hall while red plush carpets and runners ran from one side to the other. "May I take that from you, Mistress?" Fenris implored as Lorelai pulled the tie to her cloak loose. She handed it to him and his hand sank into the velvety fabric. Her constitution wavered as she saw the wounds that streamed down his back- glaringly red and menacing. She resisted the urge to touch him. To feel his skin against her fingertips.

"Fenris," she airily breathed. He turned back to her. The rapidness at which his eyes diverted from hers killed her. They gazed at each other- his muscles twitched as he sized her up. Hers were remorse and longing, begging for forgiveness.

"Mistress," he muttered finally looking to the floor. He cleared his throat and motioned for her to continue on. Lorelai frowned, her head falling into her hands failing to maintain composure of her emotions.

"Where is he?" Lorelai asked her feelings raw and the vulnerability that she felt herself unleash in an uncontrolled torrent of tears. Fenris turned back to her as his shoulders adjusted the heavy metal collar strapped to his neck.

"I am to take you to him, Mistress Hawke," he answered. His eyes would not meet hers in an act of submission. "He is this way," Fenris said as he started to walk.

Lorelai wiped her eyes dry and followed. She was breaking down on the inside and it was starting to show on the outside. She couldn't take it anymore. She should have fought harder for him. What would he have done then? She ran from him because he terrified her. She wasn't scared of anything and this feeling of adoration and paranoia made her run. He had buried her in emotions that she hated and then ran out on her, leaving her to pick up the pieces by herself.

Her slipper caught the edge of the rug and she stumbled, landing hard on her hands and knees. Fenris turned back to her and started to pull her up. "Are you alright," he asked.

"I am," she said. She was embarrassed. This small woman who had taken down Meredith with nary an ounce of fear, stood so small in her shoes, feeling Fenris look her over and averting his eyes when she looked at him. "Just give me a moment to collect myself."

Fenris nodded and took a step back. Lorelai turned from him unable to think or move anymore. Here he was with her. She would have begged the rest of her life away if he'd only remember for a second. She needed him. Damn the Maker, she had this chance to do something, but she couldn't do it. This is who she was now- empty and fighting for the chance that she knew she was never going to attain.

"Look at me," Fenris ordered, his voice heavy with ire. "You killed me."

Lorelai twirled around in shock. "What did you say?" Her eyes wide and mouth open in shock.

Fenris's eyebrows furrowed and he shook his head. "I said nothing, Mistress."

"Oh," she uttered. She smoothed out the small wrinkles in her dress and sighed.

It wasn't right; not any of this. Everything he'd told her was staring her right in the face. They reached another set of double doors and Fenris pushed them open. "Master, Mistress Hawke has arrived."

The dining hall was full of people, each being catered to by their own slave. Lorelai was disgusted by the scene; it was unbearable torture for her to not say anything about it. She was being watched by so many eyes that she swallowed hard and clasped her hands behind her back. Men in the darkest robes looked her over and shrugged with nary an ounce of amusement. Lorelai looked at Fenris, his eyes fixated ahead, only glancing out of the corner of his eye at her with curiosity.

At the far end of the table, Danarius stood up and joined the pair. He looked her over like a predator and extended his arm for Lorelai to take. Lorelai faked a pleasant smile and took it kindly. He led her around the table and waited for Fenris to pull her chair out for her to sit beside him.

"You are looking quite beautiful this evening, Lorelai Hawke," Danarius said, returning to the head of the table. "Isn't she looking absolutely beautiful, Varania?"

Lorelai looked across the table and saw the small elven woman staring at her. She smiled softly and shook her head in disagreement.

"Now Varania, is that how we treat a guest?" Danarius cooed sarcastically. "You should be happy to have the woman that saved your brother here in our humble abode." He turned back to Lorelai and smiled. "I found it most amusing the other day when I had heard from one of the senators that you were looking to take up apprenticeship up in our fair city."

"I have, Master Danarius." Her voice was strong as she put on even her most submissive tone. "I feel that I can make good use of my talents here."

"You have no slave to assist you, I take it," a man at the far end of the table scoffed. He shook his head in disgust as he held out his glass for his own servant to fill it.

"I do feel out of sorts in Minrathous without one," Lorelai answered without looking at the man. _Fit the role; fit the role_ \- she told herself, "I just haven't met anyone that has met the requirements that I desire from one." She lifted her eyes slowly towards Fenris to see if her words had left an impression. He didn't do anything. The stoic sentinel remained in his place by Danarius's side.

"So you are looking to have one then," another magister asked to her right. "Danarius has spoken highly of you." He looked at Danarius lifting his glass in honor to the host. "I think you'll fit in just fine amongst the magisters here."

"That's what I'm looking forward to by the end of this evening," Lorelai said. She looked to Danarius who was watching her still.

"Would you like some wine, my dear?" he asked, pointing to her still empty glass in front of her. She eyed the glass and meekly smiled.

"I would love some. Thank you," she said.

"Perfect. The Agreggio Pavali for our honored guest," he told Fenris. The bronze skinned elf bowed at the order and left Danarius's side. Danarius beamed. "I assure you. You will love it."

"I'm sure I will," Lorelai said. She thought back to the time she and Fenris had shared the last bottle in his dilapidated mansion. It was quick acting when it came to its intoxication, but the taste was so perfect that it had to be from the Maker's private collection. Fenris's slurred speech and lax tongue told her that he was running and hiding from the atrocities he'd committed at Danarius's command.

Fenris returned and showed her the bottle. Lorelai nodded and held out her glass. She hated doing it to him, using him to show her cold-hearted nature just to get the approval of the magisters that watched her with prying eyes.

He filled her glass and looked over the soft woman's face. It was evident he knew she was hiding something by the way he examined her. He set the bottle down on the table and resumed his position of statue.

"So why would the Champion of Kirkwall be here seeking an apprenticeship at all?" Danarius asked as he sipped his wine.

"It was a token title," Lorelai said. Her finger circled the rim of the glass causing the crystal to sing. She looked at Danarius. His eyes danced as he examined her. "The Circle has been released and only the Maker knows what is going on in Kirkwall." She sipped her glass of wine and smiled. "Frankly, I'm glad to be out of there. This place has so much to offer me than there."

Danarius laughed loudly and sighed. "You are right. You are just the caliber I've been looking to take under my wing." He looked at Varania with a frown. "Some of us have been lacking in the knowledge as of late of what their place is." Varania looked at Lorelai with hatred in her eyes. She dabbed the corners of her mouth and sighed.

"Master Danarius, are you sure it is wise to let someone who has had prior dealings with Fenris be a part of this fine household?" Varania questioned, never taking her eyes off of Lorelai.

Lorelai looked at Fenris who was looking at her again puzzled by what she had said. "I have had no dealings with this woman, Mistress."

Lorelai's heart nearly stopped at the cold, dismissiveness of his tone. She grabbed the glass of wine and swilled the grapey nectar down quickly. She placed the glass on the table and dabbed her lips gently. "No, we haven't," she snapped. She looked back over the table and squinted in contempt at Varania. "I can play the game too," she hissed.

"Would you like more wine?" Danarius asked, trying to change the subject.

"Yes, please," Lorelai replied. She slid the crystal glass toward Fenris and let her arms cross on the table. Fenris poured the deep red liquid slowly. Placing the bottle back on the table, he looked at Varania and she nodded for him to approach her. "I was surprised when I received your letter, Danarius. Honestly I find it quite an honor that you remembered me at all."

"How could I resist?" He looked her over slowly examining the gentle curves of her neckline and down to the constricting bodice adorned with intricately stitched silver vines. "You were kind enough to return my property with little hesitation. I would say we were on good terms." He pulled Fenris's chain down to him and whispered something in his ear. Danarius looked at Varania who nodded and led Fenris out of the room. Danarius rose to his feet, glass in hand, and lifted. "Fellow magisters, we have with us the former Champion of Kirkwall, she is looking to become a magister amongst the best of us." He looked down at her with a sneer on his face. She looked at the man on her right with a grim look on his face. Instantly she was racked with fear. "So to induct this fine woman into our group, a show of intention is in order."

Lorelai looked at the other magister again and leaned in close to him. "What does he mean show my intentions?"

The magister frowned and looked off into the dimly lit shadows of the dining hall. Lorelai met his glance and saw Fenris, holding the arms of an elven woman in place. His face looked away from her as her jaw dropped. "Do you mean-?" She couldn't believe it. He wanted her to kill this woman whose large eyes were wet with tears. Her face was an open book- terror, obvious terror. The magister nodded and sat up again. She shot a glance at Danarius who was watching her response.

Lorelai sat up straight and drank the last of her wine and cleared her throat. "Thank you, Master Danarius. It is a thoughtful gesture."

"Not at all," Danarius said, waving off the pseudo-pleasantries and equal amount of disgust. "This one was caught stealing from me and the penalty is death. Why waste perfectly good blood in death, when we can start your induction now?" He placed his glass down and looked at the other magisters with delight. The one she had sat next to was shaking his head slowly. Varania had approached his side and looked at Lorelai intrigued by the predicament she'd gotten herself into. "Take her to the garden," Danarius told her sternly. Varania took a step back from Danarius and grabbed the elven woman coldly. She yelped when she struggled. "Delicately," Danarius called. "We don't want her bruised before Mistress Hawke can have her way with her." He turned his attention back to the group and smiled. "If you would all care to join us. Let the festivities begin."

He held his arm out and Lorelai took it without hesitation. She knew that it was eventually going to come to this, but deep down she hated herself to resorting to the seduction of the forbidden arts. What would Fenris think if he was himself? He probably would have killed her for the sheer thought of it.


	5. Chapter 5

The night air was blissful on Lorelai's skin. The torrential downpour had stopped and the night sky opened to a beautiful full moon that cast its white light on the well-manicured lawn. A breeze rushed by, kissing the skin on her bare arms delicately. She shivered as the magical lanterns flickered on at the direction of Varania. The glow of faint yellow opened up the space to its full potential. It was large. Far larger than she had expected. More statues and intricately decorated benches dotted a scrawling path into the farthest reaches before being consumed by the dark.

Danarius released Lorelai's hand from his that he held in an assuring fashion. The magisters stood behind her. Some still sipping their wine; others were more fixated on Lorelai who was standing there feeling very exposed to everyone. He took his side beside Fenris who was donning a very daunting two-handed sword. Varania stepped up from behind her and exposed a large dagger with ornate markings that she noticed was of an Arcanum script along the handle. Lorelai stared at it, perplexed for a moment and took it out of its sheath and looked at Varania questioningly.

She placed her hand on Lorelai's shoulder approvingly and nodded in the direction of the elf that Fenris was forcing to her knees. Lorelai was disgusted by Fenris's involvement in the ritual. She took a step forward, her head woozy with alcohol and nervousness.

"Lords and ladies-" Danarius said as Lorelai took her place behind the elf. Her hands violently shook with fear as the woman looked back at her.

"Eyes to the ground!" Fenris snapped as he drew his sword and pointed it at the weeping woman in front of her. Lorelai jumped with a start and knocked the blade to the side instinctively. She glared at the white haired elf standing off set from her. He shot Lorelai a spiteful glare but she wouldn't look away from him. They were arguing with each other with their looks and were drawing a stalemate in the confrontation. Danarius laughed at the exchange between the former lovers. He knew about them and found the entire scene most amusing.

"That's enough, Fenris," he said. Fenris snapped to sheathing his sword again.

"Please Mistress," the elven lass sobbed.

Lorelai's feelings were crushed at the woman's pleas, but she was unmoving and tried so hard to turn off the overwhelming desire to play the part, but given the situation if she made any attempt to interfere it would be her throat that was going to be slit alongside the cowering female in front of her. Lorelai looked to Danarius for what to do next; he smiled and nodded for her to proceed.

She took a deep breath and felt herself on the verge of emotional collapse when she felt Danarius's rough hand on hers. If she could have frozen this moment, she would have and killed the bastard where he stood. She had killed many times before but never had - nor wanted - the blood of an innocent on her hands. Now here she was quaking in her soft silky slippers - about to murder someone she never met just to join the ranks of the magisters who were now watching her make a fool of herself with her hesitation.

Her eyes grew cold as she grabbed the terrified elf by her short golden locks and readied herself. The trembling woman screamed as Lorelai placed the razor sharp blade to her throat. She closed her eyes and apologized over and over again as she pulled the silvery knife across her 'victim's' throat. Lorelai refused to open her eyes at the scene but heard and felt the woman squirm abruptly and her hot, steamy blood gushing over her fingers. Her hand was coated in it. The breeze blew by again and made the liquid ice cold on her hand. She choked and gagged and grew limp within a moment and the sound of her breathing stopped making the whole blackness behind Lorelai's eyelids all the more horrifying with its deathly silence.

Lorelai opened her eyes and fixated on the woman lying motionless on the ground. Her blood glowed in the light as it leaked on to the grass in front of her. She felt like she'd been punched in the gut as Danarius held his hand out to her. She handed him the dagger without taking her eyes off of the corpse whose eyes stared blankly into the distance; her face contorted into a woman petrified at the prospect of death.

"What have I done?" Lorelai grimaced at the sight and felt Danarius's hand in hers. She looked at him as he rotated her wrist and slashed it. She grew hot with anger and yanked her arm out of his grasp. She looked at the wound and saw her blood dripping to the ground in front of her. She looked at the magister with contempt as the whole world became a centrifuge that she was in the middle of. She felt the dark power consume her- every thought that she had ever conceived, every dream she'd ever bore, her past, present and future flashed in an appalling and overwhelming cacophony of voices and visions. Her head began to throb as everything went red. She shook it off and heard the applause of the magisters around her.

It didn't make her feel any better about what she had done. She hated it, hated herself for sinking down to the level that she had. Danarius's hand came up and the group hushed.

"Welcome," he said placing his hand on her shoulder and squeezing it firmly. He placed the dagger in its sheath-still wet with deep red blood and handed it to her. Lorelai nodded and frowned. She felt like she was going to be sick in an instant. Danarius nodded to one of the slaves and let them approach. The young lithe male looked at the woman hurtful to the murder and grabbed her by the arms and dragged her away.


	6. Chapter 6

It was several hours before the celebration had come to an end. Lorelai sat motionless, numb to what she had done. She stared at the half-empty wine glass and glumly sighed. She felt the dagger at her hip and rubbed the fine stamping on the sheath. She said nothing to anyone as the revelers enjoyed their evening.

Varania couldn't take her eyes off of her. Accusing frowns seemed to just be what she deserved. She was no better than they were and as for Varania- fuck her too. That damn hypocrite has no room to talk. How far had she fallen to get in good with Danarius? They were the same: they both sold out the person they cared about for their own ambitions. Blood thicker than water? Ha! Obviously not; that self-righteous bitch.

Lorelai picked up her glass and downed the rest of the wine with a single gulp. She wanted to forget the hours, the debt- that she now owed this woman with the name she never knew. Kill her because she was hungry? A ridiculously horrible punishment for something so mundane. She wiped her mouth, her head swimming and senses disoriented. She stood and looked Danarius with a lopsided smirk. He stood and held his hand out to her.

"Are you leaving?" he asked.

Lorelai nodded drunkenly and took a step away from the table. She bumped into Fenris and nearly fell on to her ass when he caught her. She smiled at him and thanked him for saving her from gravity. He took his hand off of her hip and resumed his position.

"Yes. I must be off. I have had a wonderful time," Lorelai said. She stumbled again and caught herself with the back of the chair.

"Are you sure you are alright?" Danarius asked.

"I'm fine," Lorelai slurred. She staggered for the door slowly. Each footstep she took she metered for stability.

The magister she had spoken with before all the drama was standing there. She smiled with an intoxicated grin.

"Would you like me to walk with you, Mistress Hawke?" he asked, handing her cloak to her.

"I haven't been this drunk since-," she said as she put her cloak on and held the sharply dressed magister's arm. "It doesn't matter."

"The Aggreggio has that effect," he said opening the door for her.

"I know," she said stepping through the threshold. "I've had it before." She looked around the two of them and looked questioningly at the man with bleary eyes. "Where are your slaves?"

"Home," the magister snapped bluntly. He led her along making diligent work of the steps. "There was no need to bring them along."

"Really?" she questioned with a crooked eyebrow. The night air was crisp and clean as they walked onto the cobbled sidewalk. The movement was equally nauseating and sobering. "That seems so unlike your average magister."

"It is," he said. "Not all of us are alike." He stopped under a street lamp and adjusted his collar uncomfortably. "Danarius and the others love to show their status with theirs. It's always been a popularity contest for the ranking magisters here."

"Fenris told me that once," Lorelai slipped. She clasped her hand over her mouth in shock. "Oh Maker!"

"Don't worry about it," the man said patting her hand on his arm. "For several years it's the only thing that Danarius could talk about."

"Danarius is an asshole," Lorelai growled. She grew rigid instantly. She stopped and looked in the direction they had come from. She scowled and continued walking. "All he wants is a replacement for the one that I let get killed."

"He is, but he's powerful," the man insisted. "You will learn much from him; maybe become a magister yourself one day." He ignored her last comment all together but smiled to himself.

"I look forward to it," Lorelai grumbled to herself with a devilish smile. They stopped in front of her small mansion. She looked at the blackened windows and smiled to the man. "Thank you for walking me home."

"It wasn't a problem," he said with a shrug.

She started towards her house and stopped. She turned around and looked at the man that was still standing there. "What is your name?"

"Iudicius," he said blankly.

"Well, thank you, Iudicius," she smiled.

"Have a good night, Mistress Hawke." He nodded. "Sanguis tuorum non potestatum facio inimicus."

She stared at him at a loss. Her eye brow furrowed as she tried to think of what he was saying. Arcanum was new to her and she was slowly picking it up but what he said went way over her head. He noticed her confusion and cleared his throat, "may the blood of your kin never empower your enemy."

Lorelai's eyes grew wide. "Uh, thanks," she said; uncomfortable at the thought of her 'families' blood being used to 'empower' her enemies. Especially someone like Danarius. She thought for a moment and sighed. "Oraeve anted uias tenebris unusquique levare gradum facies." Iudicius chuckled and shook his head. Lorelai blushed sheepishly at her broken and stumbling attempt at Arcanum.

"It's fine," he stated with a grin still heavily apparent on his face. "Good night again, Mistress Hawke."


	7. Chapter 7

_Lorelai spent all day looking for Fenris. Hadriana was dead and who did he point his blame at? Magic. He was filled with hate and utter disdain for it. The way that it tainted everything and destroyed even the simplest things in life. She had tried to calm him but he pulled away refusing to listen to reason. She worried in the ticking seconds that followed that he might turn on her too, but when he rebuffed her attempts to calm him, he stormed off, painting her with the same brush as them._

_She went to his house and found it was empty. The book she had given him opened to an excerpt on the elven fight with the magisters alongside Andraste. A slip of paper in the crease with words scribbled on it caught her attention. She examined it; the broken Common made sense to her. He was trying and she had made an impression on him. She cared so much for his well-being that she had forgotten that given his past all he had was the impression of reliability for himself._

_She returned home, surprised when she saw him sitting there. His eyes focused on the floor mat deep in thought. They didn't talk long and he expressed his regret for her treatment earlier in the day. They didn't get along on some things, but regardless, he thanked her for her help in the end. He pivoted on his heels to leave and she stopped him._

_"Don't go," she begged. Before she could get out her next sentence he had pinned her against the wall by her chest. His anger, ire, desire, lit him like a blue flame. It wasn't how she expected or how she remembered. There was no pain before. Why is there pain now? She gasped and looked down. Her body shook violently as she felt his hand in her- fingers exerting pressure on her heart. She couldn't scream. The pain became exponentially worse when she struggled. "Fenris," she chirped. She looked at him; his green eyes stared at her, indifferent to her pain and distress._

_"How does it feel to have your heart ripped out?" he harshly whispered in her ear._

_Tears slipped down her damask cheeks uncontrollably. She wanted to say something but every time she tried, he squeezed a little tighter. Her head fell forward as she started to lose consciousness. Her eyes flickered at the sight of her blood dripping to the floor and staining the stonework in the foyer. She nodded sullen over the fact of her coming demise and looked back at him. "If this is what you want to do," she murmured to him, feeling blood in the back of her throat erupting into her mouth and down the corners in a small trickle. The salty metallic liquid hid the faint tastes of lyrium, his lyrium. "Then I am ready for your retribution."_

_With these final words escaping her lips exerting all of her strength, she felt it, the crushing of her heart in his armored hand. A suitable death for her given it's exactly what she had done to him. She accepted it in the end. She killed him in the same fashion-with her actions._

XXXXX

Lorelai shot straight up in bed. The throbbing that started at the base of her skull and wrapped around the front and into her gut awoke her. The broken sunlight streaked across her bed in swatches of yellow and orange. She fidgeted and found she'd fallen asleep in the robe she'd worn the night before. She ran her fingers through her hair and lamented the night before for her unusual thirst for the wine she had downed like water.

She stood up and started unfastening the various pieces of the robe. Her fingers trembled on the last buckle as she struggled to pull it loose from her side. She grunted and fought it. It gave way without warning and the entire dress fell to her ankles.

"Damn it." She murmured harshly as she stepped out of it. She picked it up and then she saw them. Her hands- still stained from the night before. She ran to the basin and poured water into and washed and scrubbed until her hands were raw. She became queasy at the sight of the water turning pink and then it came back to her like a wave crashing on a beach at high tide. "Damn you, Danarius," she scowled.

She grabbed another robe from off of the hook, a black one with a deep red inlay down the center and quickly pulled it over her head and pulled the bodice tight with the cord and cinched it off. She grabbed her components and belt and tied them on. She flopped onto the bed and saw a note on the nightstand: _"Saw you came home late and fell asleep in your robe. Figured you'd need help getting out of it when you woke up and saw to it for you. Anders."_ She snorted with amusement to the sentiment. At the bottom of the note in unusually small text were the words- _'I didn't peek so don't think that. Well, maybe a little, but I had my eyes covered for most of it.'_


	8. Chapter 8

Lorelai sat at breakfast unable to stomach the sight of food. She propped her feet up on Anders's chair which was again, devoid of its intended user. She sat there inspecting the blade of dagger she had been given the night before. Her arm hid the blood stains from everyone at the table. It was beautiful, regardless of its intended purpose. A deep black blade with vines carved into it to aid the flow of blood for sacrifices.

"What's that," Carver interrogated as he peered at the knife. "That is sharp."

"It is," Lorelai agreed handing it to him for him to look at.

Isabela rounded the table and looked over Carver's shoulder. Her breasts pressing into his back as she leaned closer in. "OOO, look at that. The vine work is so intricately done to take the place of a…" both of them looked at Lorelai. Her eyes fixed on the table, unable to say anything. "Blood groove."

"Is that blood?" Carver queried, running his finger through the brown stains.

"It is," Lorelai answered quietly. Her eyes glazed over as she looked at them. "It's mine."

"Maker's blood," Carver exclaimed dropping the blood-tainted blade on the table. "What would cause you to do such a thing to yourself?"

"There are many reasons for blood to be on a bodkin such as that," Merrill blurted out. She reached out and grabbed it by the dainty hilt and looked it over. Her eyes lit up with majestic awe when she realized what it was. "A blade like this, for practitioners of blood magic, is employed when they are using the life energy of others to power their own." She smiled at her selfless brilliance and handed it back to Lorelai.

"Are you telling me that isn't just her blood?" Carver shouted in shock.

Lorelai' glanced down at her hands. She wrung them violently, twisting her fingers until they popped. Out of the corner of her eye she saw Carver watching her.

"From what I've picked up from here- that is a sacrificial blade, used only for the blood of others," Merrill answered.

Carver turned in his chair and looked squarely at Lorelai. "Did you sacrifice someone last night?" Lorelai didn't answer. She kept working her fingers till she thought they were going to snap. Carver grabbed both of her small hands and exhaled in distress. He pried her hands apart and noted the small brown-red streaks under her fingernails. "Sister, did you sacrifice someone last night," he repeated slower and with more insistence.

Lorelai trembled as she shamefully nodded her head. Carver dropped her hands and slammed his fist on the table.

Varric whistled astonished to her admission. "I gotta tell ya, Hawke, I wasn't expecting that."

"It's not all that bad," Merrill grumbled. "She's doing what she has to do to survive. You can't judge her for it." Everyone looked at her; even Lorelai. The mousy little elf stood and looked at everyone. "If you all have such a problem with it, I would care to see you all come up with a better way to support us." Her eyes narrowed on Carver. Her lips disappearing as she frowned at him. "This is your sister, our sister, we are holding in contempt for doing what she had to. Fault her if you must for the decision, but don't you judge her for taking care of us."

"Merrill, I wasn't saying anything like that," Carver said in his defense. "I understand she's doing what she's had to since being here." He put his arm around his sister and held her close. "I condoned her choice because I know where we are. She wouldn't be the first or second blood mage I've come across, whether it was when I was with you all, doing work with the Wardens, or seeing it as I made my way into Minrathous."

"Hawke, love, are you alright?" Isabela asked the still silent woman.

"I'm fine. Still in shock of it all but I am fine. Really," she said with a renewed sense of calm. "Thank you Merrill."

"It's nothing," she chimed happily. "I remember a mage telling a certain someone something along those lines awhile back."

"Daisy, I don't think that's something that should be brought up right about now." Varric stated, as he pointed at Lorelai and her hurt filled eyes.

"By the Dread Wolf, I'm so sorry, Hawke," she winced at her comment.

"It's alright," Lorelai said. Her eyes sparkled brightly at the thought of her turbulent encounter with Fenris. "I saw him last night."

Everyone straightened up at her remark. The air was electrically charged.

"How is he?" Isabela asked. "Is he bronzed and rubbed in oil, all glistening?" She closed her eyes, licking her lips at the thought. A soft, guttural moan escaped her throat. Lorelai shook her head in amusement.

"No, no glistening," Lorelai laughed.

"Blast," Isabela sulked.

"Guess you'll need to save that for one of your own stories, Rivaini," Varric prodded with a wink.

"Oh, I will entitle it Blood Brood: A Mage's Tale," she fired back in agreement.

"If you keep that up, Varric here will be out of a job," Carver joked with a heavy laugh.

"Out of a job, don't flatter her too much," Varric warned. "The idea might just make her head pop."

The group burst into laughter as Isabela's face grew red with embarrassment.

"Maker, I hate you all," she muttered.

"What's everyone laughing about," Anders asked with a confused look on his face. He almost appeared out of nowhere staring at the group's ambivalent laughter. The smiles faded as he approached looking them over, his eyes lingering over Lorelai the most before a subtle smirk crossed his face.

"Isabela's story telling," Lorelai said as she tried to stifle an onslaught of uncontrollable laughter.

"Is it as riveting as the one she told about that sailor she nailed to the floor last week?" he asked with a grin.

"He had it coming," Isabela insisted. She leaned back in her chair and tried to remember which one he was referencing.

"I spent two hours fixing the holes in his legs because he didn't smack your ass hard enough," Anders stated.

"That one?" she questioned with a furrowed brow. "He needed to learn how to pound correctly in one form or another."

"Oh, Maker," Lorelai sighed, putting her hands to her face and shaking her head.

Anders took his place by her side and slid a piece of paper in front of her. He picked up the dagger off the table and looked at it. Lorelai looked at the folded document with the seal of Danarius's house embedded in the wax. She opened it and read the note quickly.

"Bind the many, so the few may lead," Anders said softly, reading the inscription on the handle. He turned to Lorelai with an accusing look on his face. "So you finally did it?"

"Yes," Lorelai replied. She took the dagger from him and sheathed it. She reread the note and muttered quietly, "I did it." She crumpled up the note and tossed it to the floor. "And for what it's worth, Anders, I'm not happy about it, and now I have to go." She pushed the chair back and left for the door.

"Go?" Carver questioned. "Right now?"

"Danarius wants to start now," Lorelai snapped. "I'll be back when I'm done."

She slammed the door behind her and scowled. Why couldn't he have been there when Merrill was coming to her defense? Probably for the best, given how he'd responded to just looking at the dagger. He didn't even admire it he just pushed on his new manifesto of 'thou shalt not kill the innocent.'

While she did agree with him, wholeheartedly about spilling the blood of innocents, he was not in her shoes. He would disappear to Maker knows where and do his own thing without even telling anyone about his whereabouts or what he was doing.

_Damn you, Anders._


	9. Chapter 9

It was unusually bright in Minrathous that morning. The humidity was thick and heavy on Lorelai's skin. The sun shone brightly as she stood on the immaculate porch outside Danarius's door. In the daylight the foreboding garden from the night before proved to be a lie. The well-trimmed bushes and trees swayed in the sharp sea salt infused breeze. The door opened up before she had time to knock. She jumped back, rattled by the action.

"Champion," Danarius said with a certain lilt in his voice. "I'm so glad you came." He showed her in and let the door slam shut behind her. She turned abruptly at the sound, her stomach jumping into her throat. "How are you feeling this morning?"

She followed him up a set of long winding stairs to a large study on the second floor. "Heads a little out of sorts, but I'll manage," she said. She looked around the room covered in shelves lined with books of various sizes and of varying topics.

"That is good to hear," he said overjoyed. "Did you enjoy last evening?" He sat in a large chair behind a hand carved desk and leered at her.

"It was eventful," she remarked, making her way to the chair opposite where he was seated. Her eyes still scanned the room for any trap or trigger to end her life.

"That it was," Danarius concurred. He straightened himself and ran his fingers through his greying hair. The door opened up and his eyes lit up. Lorelai turned to see what had given him such a reaction. Varania and Fenris stood there. "Ah, my dear, come in," he said, waving them over. Lorelai heard the shuffling of the velour dress that she wore. Her hair swept up in a chignon. Her friendly smile showed through as she set a tray on the desk carrying a fine porcelain tea set. Lorelai looked back at Fenris who remained at the door, his armor tight and memorable. He held his sword to the floor, stained in purplish red.

Lorelai's eyes became wide with fear as a thin string of red dripped to the floor in front of him. His hand smattered in the bloody mess with little acknowledgement of the spattering he made when he shook his hand off. His eyes caught hers, piercing and vibrant- not near as dead as they were the night before. They pleaded their case to her. She was helpless to do anything about it. Where would she begin?

"Sugar?" Varania offered. Lorelai turned back around and saw the elven woman standing over her, a small bowl in her hand.

"Yes, please," she responded with a smile.

Varania handed her the delicate tea cup and saucer. It was piping hot and smelled of jasmine flowers. Lorelai sipped it, the hot sweet fluid burning her tongue and washing away the nervousness she had as she swallowed. The taste was off to her and she looked into the cup. She put a small tea spoon in the cup and swirled around the aqueous material. She didn't see anything wrong with it and wrote it off as her paranoia getting to her.

"Thank you, Varania, that'll be all," Danarius said sternly. He looked toward Fenris and nodded for him to approach. He stood at Danarius's right side and glanced at Lorelai with his eyes. The magister coughed; drawing Lorelai's attention from Fenris's eyes to his own. "There is something that I thought we should discuss before we move on with things." He rose from his chair and stood over Lorelai. "There is a lesson to be learned from all of this."

"Whatever it is, Danarius, I'm willing to learn it," Lorelai remarked taking another sip of tea and grimacing at the taste of it.

"Good," Danarius snapped. He looked to Fenris with a devilish eye and sneered. "Strip." Lorelai looked at Danarius and then at Fenris, who without hesitation began to disrobe. Lorelai shot out of her seat and was met with Danarius's hand coming down on her.

"The first lesson in becoming a magister is to show no remorse to those that are beneath you." He took her hand and led her to the center of the room. Fenris accompanied them, his eyes downcast as he came to a stop. Danarius forced him to his knees and glared at Lorelai. "Hit him." Lorelai looked at Fenris, his eyes stared at her begging for the humiliation to end. Danarius smacked the elf upside the head hard. He fell to the side and quickly went back to his knees.

"No," she growled. Her eyes were narrow at the abuse she was witnessing. She stood defiantly against Danarius. She wasn't going to take part in the assault. Danarius responded with back handing her across the face. Lorelai flew on to her back and sent a shockwave of pain through her body. She groaned and stood up again, licking the blood from her lips and spitting it on the floor in front of her.

"Hit him," Danarius repeated. He grabbed Fenris by the hair and held his face for Lorelai to see. "If he cared about you so much, why isn't he helping you now? Hit him."

"No," she yelled. She braced herself to be hit again and was greeted with another smack to the other side. She fell on her hip and held back the urge to yelp in pain. "I'm not going to do it." She stood up again and was just as quickly knocked to the floor again.

"Don't talk back to me," Danarius bellowed. He threw Fenris's head forward and ordered him to pick her up.

Lorelai started to get up under her own power and shook her head 'no' when Fenris tried to help her. He sat back on his haunches and watched her rise. She looked down at him and he was nervous, visibly so at the pain she was going through. She smiled at him, trying to reassure him that everything was alright. He didn't believe her; his eyes darted to the floor and Lorelai looked back with just enough time to dodge Danarius' next swing.

"I'm not going to hit him," she yelled. "You'll have to kill me first."

Time crept by slowly as Lorelai took her beating; each time she was knocked down she stood back up and argued. She wasn't going to beat someone who did nothing wrong to her. Danarius told her that it was beside the point and that this was a lesson in submission for both of them. That wasn't an excuse that she was going to settle for.

Fenris watched as the pair argued about him. He didn't understand why this woman, this mage was defending him. Danarius turned his attention to Fenris and seized him up by his snowy hair and pulled him close. Fenris remained stoic-never showing a modicum of pain- even when Danarius exposed a dagger from within his robes and held it to the elf's throat. Lorelai squared off against him, but refused to move.

"He would be easier to kill than you," Danarius glared. Lorelai panted, wounded and without a thought of what to do next.

"You wouldn't though," she said, looking the man in the eye. "You put too much time and effort into making him what he is." She slowly paced back and forth, the slight limp made all too apparent when she pivoted and went in the opposite direction. "You sent countless hunters after him and used his sister as bait to get him where you wanted."

"You make it sound like I was helpless," he snickered. He readjusted his grip, pressing the edge of the blade firmer into Fenris' jugular.

"I think you were a bitch," she stated, folding her arms in front of her. "Couldn't get him with your own power so you sent others to do your dirty work." She glanced at Fenris and snorted. "It doesn't make a difference now- the person I knew before is dead." She took a step towards Fenris and stopped when he heard the stifled breath escape him. A small drop of blood oozed from under the blade, perched precariously on the contours of his neck.

"You gave him back," Danarius snapped. "Why?"

"I made a mistake," Lorelai muttered. Her eyes filled with tears as she saw the confusion in Fenris's eyes. "He'd never forgive me, I get that." She stood straight up, shoulders back and smiled. "Your problem is with me because I did what all those assholes couldn't do- I brought him back." She grabbed Danarius's arm and wrenched the knife away from Fenris' neck. Her blood rushed through her; staring and unrelenting she grabbed Danarius by the throat and threw him to the floor. "That not only makes you a scared bitch, but a useless fucking individual."

She smelled ozone; crackling and popping was a sure sign of a spell being cast. She shoved Fenris to the floor and took the full brunt of the magister's attack. It hit her like a ton of bricks and she fell to her knees. Winded and slowly suffocating, she looked at Danarius and then at Fenris. She shook her head and stood again.

"You son of a bitch, I should have let him kill you," she snarled. Her vision was blurry and her head was heavy with exhaustion. Every muscle in her body ached from the multiple impacts. Her jaw hung loosely in its socket and she knew that it had to be dislocated. Danarius grabbed her by the hair and threw her to the ground. She sprawled on to her stomach; gasping as the wind was forced out of her by the impact. She didn't know how long she was going to last or if Danarius was really willing to go out of his way to kill her. She glanced at Fenris who was still watching her curiously. She snaked her fingers to his hand, intertwining them in his.

Her head hit the floor with a thud, unable to move anymore. White dots filled her line of sight. Her pupils dilated and her breathing became shallow. She tasted the blood in her mouth, coating her tongue and lingering in her saliva. Her eyes started to tear from pain, exhaustion and the faint gleam in Fenris's eye. He looked her over and became enraged at the sight of her. His thumb delicately rubbed her finger reassuringly. He knew what she was going through and he wished he could make it stop for her.

This woman, this stranger whose eyes sparkled at the sight of him. He wished he'd known her. She would have been a better Mistress than Danarius. She made him feel things. Peculiar and strange things that afflicted him harshly, worse than anything that his master could ever do anything with her quick nervous glances and the desperation at which she fought Danarius with.

"It's alright," she said in a hushed tone. She grimaced and clenched her eyes shut trying to fight the urge to scream in agony. Her blood boiled, making her skin hot and damp with sweat. The pain was excruciating. She screamed out writhing on the floor. Her slippers slid from the lack of traction on the fine carpet.

"Now are you going to listen to me?" she heard Danarius call from above her. She convulsed more and shook her head in defiance. The intensity grew and she felt the small capillaries in her hands burst. The stinging sensation radiated up her arm like a wildfire. She clenched her jaw and the tears silently fell from the corners of her eyes. She looked at Fenris- his eyes told her that he was lamenting the thought of her dying in front of him, helpless to avoid it and sorrowful to her plight. He didn't know how long she was going to last under the torture. He looked at Danarius, becoming rigid in defense of her.

"No, Fenris," Lorelai insisted with a groan. "It's okay. It's okay." Each word that pushed through her lips became quieter until there was no sound emitted. He sat there, standing vigil over her. She slipped in and out of consciousness. Danarius's voice became muffled and droning. It was foreign and harsh, the tongue of the Imperium, Arcanum, for which she only knew a little of. She couldn't tell to whom the words were being spoken. She tried to investigate where Danarius was. Her eyes couldn't focus on anything for too long. She scanned the ceiling, the delicately carved wood paneling that stretched across its span, bypassing the crystal and brass chandelier that hung above her.

Every time her eyes passed over the hanging web of light, star bursts of light broke her already damaged eyesight. Much to her own chagrin, she hadn't thought about it before. That heavy metal object crashing down on the pair of them, even if she died in the process she was going to take Danarius down with her. Fenris would be free of him and she would have considered her debt repaid with both of their blood.

Danarius looked down at Lorelai again. His lips moved but there was no sound. She mustered as much energy she could and muttered her incantation, choking on the blood that pooled at the back of her throat. Danarius gave her a sickening smile and asserted his power on her again. The room went black. The sudden crackle of electricity filled the dimming recesses of her ears. A heavy boot on her wrist mattered little to her now. She had failed to do what she had planned to from the very beginning…


	10. Chapter 10

Lorelai felt cool, moist fabric on her face.

"Mother," she moaned. Her bleary eyes opened to someone staring at her. "No, you're not, Mother," she groaned from the pain that shot through her body with every subtle movement she made.

"It's alright." Varania's cerulean eyes looked down at her with concern. She dabbed the cloth in a foul smelling solution and patted Lorelai's face-paying close attention to the corners of her eyes and mouth. "You've been out for hours now."

Lorelai shot up and tried to stand. Her knees buckled and she fell onto her ass with a sigh. "Hours?"

"A few," Varania said. "Master Danarius, was quite displeased by your actions this morning." She pulled a torn piece of fabric from Lorelai's shoulder and grimaced at the large gash that blemished Lorelai's pale shoulder. She patted the wound gently. Lorelai bit her lip hiding her overwhelming pain from the person nursing her wounds.

"I did it for Fenris," Lorelai muttered. She pulled her knees to her chest and rested her head on them. Her stomach hurt from the inside out.

"I know," Varania said with a sigh. She moved around to Lorelai's back. Her hands moved deftly across her flesh, examining the cuts in the gown for possible damage that was hidden from underneath. "He knew too."

"Everything was a set-up," Lorelai grumbled. "Gotta give him credit for his creativity," she chortled softly and winced as the antiseptic hit its mark.

"He's had this planned for some time now," Varania explained. A crack of a whip on flesh made the pair of them jump. Lorelai turned around and staggered to her feet to investigate.

"Hawke," Varania followed. "Lorelai. Don't."

Another crack echoed in the hall. Lorelai turned to face Varania, her eyes narrow with contempt. "You let him do this? To your brother?"

"I don't have a choice in this matter," Varania sulked. Her eyes twinkled as she tried to hold back her tears. "Fenris- Leto, he tried to come to your aid when you lost consciousness." She broke her attention from Lorelai's eyes and shuddered.

"What aren't you telling me,?" Lorelai urged, grabbing Varania by the shoulders and shaking her. A slow trickle of liquid streamed down her leg. Her eyes grew large as she pulled the torn and tattered skirt up to examine it. Blood- and it was slowly seeping into her slipper. She glared at Varania for a second. Her head grew woozy with shock and she leaned up against the handrail, catching herself from falling.

"I'm sorry," Varania murmured with shame.

"He tried to save me from this," Lorelai hissed. She looked at Varania. She was nodding her head in agreement.

"He did."

Lorelai stood and continued down the hall in the direction of the whip crack.

"Please," Varania pleaded grabbing Lorelai by the arm in protest. "You don't want to go in there."

"Why not?" Lorelai asked, turning the handle and shoving the door open.

Varania's head fell into her hands and Lorelai was taken aback by what she saw. The blood, the wounds, and Fenris locked in a stock on the verge of unconsciousness. His head turned towards them, glossy eyes that had no recollection of what they were looking at. Lorelai gasped at his injuries that were torn into his bare flesh.

"What are you doing in here?" Danarius screeched. His heavy hand fell to his side. His eyes fixated on Lorelai.

"I could ask you the same thing," Lorelai snapped. She took another step into the room and fell to her knees, weakened from her previous event.

"Varania," Danarius called to the elf still standing in the door. "Get her out!"

Varania shuffled quickly and grabbed Lorelai by the arm and pulled her back to the door. "Please, Lorelai."

"Get off," Lorelai bellowed as she wrenched her arm out of her grasp. She went to enter the room again and stopped when Varania closed the door behind her. "You are going to let him do this?"

"I can't," Varania wept.

"Then do something," Lorelai snapped.

Varania wiped her eyes and cleared her throat. She reached into her pocket and pulled out a small folded paper. "Take it," she ordered.

"What is it," Lorelai asked without moving.

"It's from, Leto."

"From-," Lorelai touched the fine parchment and sniffled.

"You must go," Varania warned when she heard the scuffling at the door. She twisted Lorelai around and led her down the stairs. All the while, Lorelai was focused on the unopened document.

"Wait, Varania," Lorelai stopped when they got to the front door, "You need to get him out of this. If not for yourself, then for him." She looked up the stairs and pulled the door open. The pitch black night greeted her.

"I will try," Varania said, her head down in grief.

"We failed him," Lorelai said closing the door to the sound of tears and flesh being torn asunder.


	11. Chapter 11

Lorelai's eyes fluttered open, groggy and nearly blind by the haze that hung over her. She winced as her fingers twitched on the crinkled bedspread. She heard the soft wheeze of a person sleeping beside her. Her heart skipped a beat as she turned in the direction of the breathing and saw Carver asleep in the chair by her bed. His head hung forward; arms wrapped about himself.

Lorelai licked her lips and attempted to sit up. Every bone in her body ached as she moved. She watched Carver stir a little and resume his restful slumber. Her nude body speckled in goose bumps as the warmth of the blanket slid off of her. She turned to slide off of the bed and froze momentarily when Carver grumbled to himself dreamily. Her feet hit the stone and she was sure of her strength, until she bore weight on her legs and toppled into a heap to the floor.

"Damn it," she snapped.

Carver sprung up from his chair, stunned by the noise. He looked down at his sister, bare and exposed to every eye that would have graced past her open door. He walked over and got her robe.

"She's awake," he called to the voices chattering in the hall.

Anders came in, exhausted and worn. "Are you alright?"

"I'm fine," Lorelai said as she tried to stand again only to fail and tumble to the floor again. She inhaled sharply and coughed violently expectorating a gelatinous glob of material into her mouth. She spit instinctively and a blackened clot slid across the floor, streaking it as it tore across the stone tile. "It wasn't a dream?" She looked at Anders and Carver who were disgusted by the display, but worried about the state of her health. "What happened?"

Anders picked her up gently and cradled her delicately in his arms. Placing her on the bed, Carver handed her her robe a subtle blush on his face at the sight of his sister's state of undress. Lorelai proceeded to pull her arm into the sleeve, all the while wincing.

"You've been out for three days, Lorelai," Anders stated, taking Carver's place in the chair.

Lorelai stopped dressing and looked at both of them. "What happened? How did I get here?"

"It's hard to say to be honest," Anders said, leaning back in the chair. "You came in and collapsed in the doorway." He looked over at Carver with a grimace and closed his eyes. "You were mumbling incoherently about something. From what I can deduce, it was blood magic."

"Blood magic?" Lorelai scoffed. "That's not possible."

_Pain radiated in her body. It was indescribable; she felt the blood pooling under her skin. The tears that slid down her cheeks were not tears at all, but blood that oozed as she blinked. Danarius enjoyed his torture of her, enjoyed that she was putting up a fight so as not to give him the satisfaction that he desired. She was powerless to stop him from doing what he had done._

_Fenris stared ahead; lifeless to her. Unable to move, racked by an unparalleled pain of his own. His eyes fixated on hers as she felt Danarius's stale breath on her cheek. The sliding of a dagger cutting into her flesh and rendering her paralyzed. He was saying something to her but it was disconnected as his hands pawed at her; ripping the fabric that had sheltered her._

"Sister, are you alright?" Carver asked.

She shook her head, trying to delete the nightmarish memory from existence. "I'm fine."

"You should still get some rest, you haven't completely healed," Anders stated.

"I'm fine, Anders," she snapped and stood on her feet. Her head swayed from side to side as she took her first lumbering step. Her legs were heavy and weak, but she had to keep going. She stumbled and was caught by Anders shaking his head in distress. "I have to get back to Danarius."

"No, that's not what you need right now," Anders grumbled.

"I can't just stay here," she argued pushing off of him and limping out of her room.

"Hawke, are you alright?" Merrill ran up. "We were so worried."

"I'm alright. Day one training was a little more vigorous than I expected," Lorelai said sarcastically.

Everything was a blur; pieces of the memories came back in recurrent flashes; disorderly and horrific. It couldn't have been her and those things couldn't have played out the way they had. She finished tying off the final binding ties and slipped into a pair of heavy boots that she had last worn in Kirkwall. Armored and spiky plates with a darkened patina scraped and dinged by the endless combat at the Gallows.

She felt Carver's hand grapple her shoulder and turn her rapidly around to face him. "You can't go back there."

Her fists balled at the indignity in his words. "What are you going to do about it?"

"I-," he stammered.

She forcefully removed his hand from off her body and socked him in the gut. Everyone at the table stood at her attack on her younger brother. "Don't, Carver." She looked to Anders and beckoned him over. "We need to talk. Now."

_Dirty fingernails clawed at her flesh. Her legs forcefully splayed. Her hands bound above her head. The pain was excruciating and humiliating. She begged the Maker to make it stop and when he didn't answer her, the nearest person that could do something was now watching her die. What semblance of self she had was removed by what she felt in her nether regions._

_The blade so close that she saw the shimmer of red slip from the blade and bleed into the carpet. The smell of blood, her blood filled the air commingling with sweat and tears. She gasped as she felt a stabbing in her abdomen; deep and piercing as it sunk through her and to the floor under her._

_"Make it stop," she pleaded to Fenris._

_Danarius barked in Arcanum to the elf with each thrust he took. Fenris wouldn't budge from his position. The magister was growing impatient as sweat dripped from his brow onto her exposed breast. He was panting, winded by his activity._

"You were nearly dead when we found you," Anders said as they walked. Using his staff as a walking stick, he followed Lorelai, her head draped in a black lace veil. The heavy robe's train trailed behind her brushing the ground clean. She was clearly distressed by the thoughts that scrolled through her head in snapshots. Her senses overwhelmed as the scent of Danarius' lingered. The swish of the chainmail on her boots broke through the idle chatter of shoppers in the marketplace.

"But I'm not. So why worry?" she asked. Her eyes locked forward as they neared Danarius's mansion. Her stomach knotted when she saw the magister, Fenris and Varania walking ahead of them. She froze and slammed her arm into Anders's chest.

"What's the matter?"

She shook off the dread and continued marching on. "It's nothing."

"Lorelai, something happened there," Anders insisted.

"It doesn't make any sense to me," she said as an overwhelming nervousness filled her. "I can't remember."

The two continued walking in silence as they made their way to the stair steps of the senate. Her pace quickened, unhindered by the heavy weights bound to her feet. She watched from afar as the many bodies parted for Danarius with Fenris at his heels, armed and looking for the word to kill.

"Mistress Hawke!" She heard from behind her. She turned in the direction of the voice and saw Iudicius walking towards them. He was winded, huffing to catch his breath- his arms burying books into his chest. A small child fell into place behind him with a female elf holding his hand. Lorelai eyed the elven maiden, her face familiar to her. They had met before, a long time ago. "How are you doing this fine day?"

"Can't complain," she smirked, pulling Anders close to her as her knees began to buckle. "This is Anders, a dear friend of mine."

"It's a pleasure, Anders," he said.

"Likewise," the mage grumbled.

"What are you doing here at the senate building today?" Iudicius asked, turning his attention back to Lorelai. He frowned at her frail condition and straightened again when he noticed she was staring at him. "I came by to see you the other day."

Lorelai turned to Anders questioningly. "He did?"

"You were sick remember?" Anders hushed tone carried off into the distance.

"I was," Lorelai said with a smile. "I'm sorry I couldn't have entertained you when you arrived."

"It's no trouble, Mistress Hawke." The little boy behind him muttered something to Iudicius causing the girl to pick the boy up in her arms. His head rested on her shoulder as she sang to him in Arcanum and nodding to Lorelai. She remembered too who she was, but her eyes twinkled the same way they had before. "This is my son and servant Orana."

"Now I remember you," Lorelai gasped. "Magister Hadriana."

"Yes, Mistress Hawke, it's so nice to see you again," the elf's sad tone said.

"Didn't you give her money to get out of there and start a new life?" Anders asked.

"I did."

Iudicius nodded acceptingly and shifted the books into his other arm. "She is in my service now and well taken care of."

"Is that true?" Lorelai muttered hesitantly.

"Oh, yes, it is Mistress Hawke," Orana chirped happily. "Master has been so kind to me since I've been in his service."

Lorelai smiled at the odd bubbliness of her tone. "Well, that's great news." She looked back up the stairs and saw Danarius walking down the stairs in their direction. A crooked smile appeared on his face as he stopped with the group.

"Mistress Hawke, how are you this morning?" He asked.

"I'm doing well, thank you."

"I haven't seen you in a couple of days, I was wondering if all was well with you."

"It is, Master Danarius." Lorelai said. She felt Anders push up against her ready to strike. She glanced at Fenris who was eyeing Anders; his hand nearing the handle of his sword. "I hope things are going well for you as well."

"They are," Danarius snickered. He tugged the steel chain on Fenris's collar abruptly. "What business do you have here at the senate today?"

A pleasant smile crept across her face as she grabbed Anders' hand and squeezed it gently. He relaxed and put his hand around Lorelai's waist. The two mages looked at Fenris and saw a flash of vengeance and anger rise in him. She heard the click of his armored tips tap the metal handle and the blade rubbing on leather. His muscles twitched as he glared at Anders. There was an obvious look of hate in his eyes, but when he looked down at Lorelai he stopped. Confused as to why she was letting someone else be near her.

_Fenris gathered himself, wounded and weak as he crept back to Lorelai on his hands and knees. Danarius flung him back against the wall. Fenris stood again and stopped when Danarius grabbed the dagger off of the floor and held it to her throat. His eyes lingered over her as he thrust into her again._

_"Do you think he'll save you before I kill you?" he hissed._

_"It doesn't matter anymore," she muttered._

_She didn't plead anymore for him to stop. Her will was lost as Fenris watched; the fight in him gone for fear of killing her._

_"What if I had him do it instead?"_

_"What would be the difference?" She turned her head away from Fenris. She couldn't look at him anymore. It was killing her to let him be witness to her degradation. Being in such close proximity to Fenris didn't mean that he was going to save her from the torment that she was undergoing._

_"Fenris! Attack!"_

_She closed her eyes and felt those familiar strong fingers grab her wrists and drag her out from under Danarius. She held her breath and hoped that the feelings that she had would be extinguished quickly. She waited, her heart palpitating in anticipation of the killing blow. A faint blue light glowed in front of her tear swollen eyes._

"Misery business." A sarcastic grin appeared, making Lorelai's eyes sparkle.

Fenris looked at her, distracted from his rage and irrationality. The faint crack of a smile made her growing cold exterior melt. She'd seen it before: it was crass, and sarcastic, with that "awe, isn't she cute" tone to it. He looked at Danarius to see if he had noticed, when he hadn't, he stared at Lorelai, speaking to her with no words.

"Well, that is very… interesting," Danarius said uncomfortably. His hand squeezed the chain tightly and tugged it sharply. "We must go now."

"Have a good day, Master Danarius," Iudicius said with a nod. He stepped aside and let the trio move past. He directed his attention back to Lorelai and burst into laughter. He rubbed his eyes as the ensueing dampness fell from his eyes. "What was that?"

"Telling the truth," Lorelai snapped. Her eyes locked on Fenris, watching the limp he tried to hide become more apparent with each step. "Payback is a bitch, isn't it?" she muttered harshly. She flashed a smile and winked to Iudicius with a nod. There was a strength within that empowered her. It wasn't the blood magic, or any power that mana could dissolve.

Anders stood there silently. He knew what was going on. She was happy, more thoroughly than she had in the past months. And with that she radiated this light that was blinding and electric. The gleam in her eye was that of one with a plan. Hopefully a good one. The past few had been doozies that had marked everyone poorly.

"Well, Mistress Hawke, if you need anything let me know," Iudicius stated, flustered and overwhelmed by her.

"I might just do that," Lorelai said, grabbing Anders's hand. "I will talk to you later."

Lorelai took the short way home, with a certain airiness in her step. She was peppy and smiling all the way back. Anders watched her, confused, concerned and reveling in it, all at once. His hodgepodge attitude didn't at all irk her own.

"You seem chipper," Anders pointed out. His fingers grew numb in her tight grip. He didn't mind; he was grateful for it.

"I am. It's odd," the lilt in her voice carried on the soft breeze to his ears. He could hear the smile and the subtle lisp distorting her resonating timbre. She was hurried and elated. He noticed without even looking at her.

_She waited for the end, smelling his woodsy scent, and feeling his piercing eyes on her. She counted off the seconds; the last moments of her life, lying at Fenris's mercy. She felt something brush her cheek; a warmth that forced her eyes open. She was face to face with him. She blinked rapidly, stunned, and horrified all at once. The blue emanations had died away and her elf stared down at her, anxiously awaiting her reaction._

_Lorelai smiled. She was safe. Danarius continued yelling at Fenris to kill her. He ignored his orders and smiled meekly at her. He bent down and whispered in her ear. It was indecipherable and disheartening. Just feeling his breath on her skin, hot and moist was enough to end her. Lorelai felt pressure over her wound. It was exquisite in its pain and soothing in the fact that it was him touching her. He examined her body- eyes moving from one part of her body to the next. When they reached their destination, he lifted his hand and saw the copious amounts of blood flowing from her wound._

_"I'm alright, really," she sputtered._

_He shook his head in disagreement._

_"Fenris-," she muttered licking the blood from her lips._

_"Shhh," he breathed, his voice heavy and sweet. "I can't let him do this."_

_"It's already done." It took all her strength to move her arm and touch his hand, still placed on her abdomen._

_"You deserve better than this, Mistress."_

_"I got better." She smiled and choked as she tried to chuckle._

_"It's-"_

_"I found you." Her fingers intertwined with his, body trembling with shock. "I did this for you."_

_"I don't deserve this. I don't deserve your kindness."_

_"You're right, you deserved better. From everyone, even me."_

_His facial features morphed into contempt. He turned his attention from Lorelai to Danarius. He rose and started towards him. His muscles twitched, ready to pounce. She couldn't see him anymore, but heard Danarius ordering Fenris to back down. She smiled weak and fading, she hoped the bastard got what was coming to him. She heard a crash near her. Her eyes closing as exhaustion and blood loss willed it. She bore no more energy, but knew that deep in the recesses of Fenris' mind, he knew who she was and that whether he fully gained his memory back or not, he was still going to defend her._


End file.
